When you enter into a relationship, whether romantic or platonic, you expect it to offer you happiness. Most individuals do not enter into partnerships expecting to be unhappy, right?
Unfortunately, there are many unhealthy relationships in the world. One could call them toxic.
Consider the word "toxic." It is a poisonous word. It signifies harmful to your health. Hazardous. It has the potential to be lethal.
We usually use that term to describe things other than humans that could kill us - rat poison, strong drugs, too much drinking or smoking, unhealthy diet, carbon monoxide, and so forth. You get the idea.
People and relationships, on the other hand, can be just as hazardous to your health as any of the aforementioned substances. The problem is that identifying toxicity in a person is more difficult.
So, let's start by discussing how to spot the indicators of a toxic relationship.
11 Signs of a Toxic Relationship
Some people grew up in dysfunctional families. There could have been verbal, emotional, or physical abuse. It's still an unpleasant and toxic atmosphere to grow up in, whether it's between parents or between the parent(s) and children.
If someone comes from a household like this, they may not even realize they are in a poisonous relationship.
If you're not sure why you keep getting into toxic relationships, this article might assist.
1. ONE GIVES, THE OTHER TAKES
One-sided relationships are never healthy. In a toxic relationship (especially one that is romantic), you will frequently encounter a narcissist/people-pleaser dynamic.
Someone gives and gives and provides in the hopes of making the narcissist happy, but it never works. They just take and take and take, and the relationship becomes far too imbalanced and unhealthy as a result.
2. GASLIGHTING
Another prevalent feature of a toxic relationship is gaslighting. If you're unfamiliar with the word, it refers to when someone manipulates another person to the point where that person begins to doubt their own sanity.
For example, say you and your significant other decided to go to the zoo on Sunday the last time you saw each other. When you bring it up later to confirm your arrangements, however, the person says, "I never said I wanted to go to the zoo." I don't even like going to the zoo." It makes the other person question themselves. This can become toxic in a relationship if it becomes a habit.
3. LACK OF PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY
If one or both parties are continuously blaming the other person for everything, this is a sure symptom of a poisonous relationship.
As the expression goes, "it takes two to tango." Both parties are responsible for their own actions, and neither can "make" you do anything. As a result, acting like a victim of the other person's actions is counterproductive and leads to an unhappy relationship.
4. LACK OF TRUST
There will be little trust in a poisonous relationship. It's possible that neither party trusts the other, or that it's one-sided. In any case, the lack of trust poisons the connection.
Any relationship should be formed on the foundation of trust. It's like attempting to construct a house on quicksand without it. It's never going to work!
5. A FEELING OF WALKING ON EGGSHELLS
Maybe it feels like you never know when the other person may blow up. There may be blazing tempers, and you may feel compelled to tread carefully around the individual so that they do not become enraged.
6. DISRESPECT
Disrespect manifests itself in a variety of ways. It could be verbal, such as "You're stupid!" You're a moron! You'll never amount very anything in life!" It could also be emotional: "I never loved you!" Nobody cares about you! You're completely unlovable!" It could also be physical.
In a healthy relationship, any time a hand is laid on another person in anger or unloving words are spoken, it is disrespectful and ultimately inappropriate.
7. LACK OF EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION
Neither of them understands how to communicate properly. This can take various forms. It could be a complete withdrawal, resulting in a lack of communication. It could also take the shape of yelling, screaming, and name-calling (all of which are technically forms of communication but are utterly useless).
8. AVOIDANCE
We frequently associate toxic relationships with being contentious, abusive, or intense on some other level. They can, however, be stagnant and avoidant. If one or both parties retreat from the relationship and do not connect with the other person, the relationship can become toxic as well - especially if this continues for an extended period.
9. CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR
Perhaps one person does not want the other to go out with friends, see family, or do anything else without them. Perhaps they should use an app to track their every move so they know where they are. They could even dictate what they wore and ate. This type of dominating conduct is a critical component of a toxic relationship.
10. CONSTANT CRITICISM
One or both people are continually criticizing the other person for everything and everything. It is their appearance, intelligence, motivation, job, weight, education, or anything else. If you are constantly receiving criticism, you are in a toxic relationship.
11. LOW SELF-ESTEEM AND SELF-WORTH
All of the above-mentioned toxic relationship qualities ultimately lead to low self-esteem and self-worth. Anyone would feel horrible about themselves if they were continuously scolded, manipulated, insulted, blamed, and sucked dry of their efforts. Relationships should make you feel good about yourself rather than horrible about yourself.
Can a Toxic Relationship Turn Healthy?
Many people in a toxic relationship desire to improve things. The most prevalent explanation is that they pretend to love the other person. But consider it. Why do you love someone who causes so much harm to you and your relationship?
Love should make you feel wonderful, not bad. As a result, while it is possible to cure a toxic relationship, it is difficult and, unfortunately, uncommon. That is not to say it cannot be done.
How to Fix a Toxic Relationship
Fixing a toxic relationship is challenging, but here are a few steps you may take to get started.
1. CUT OFF CONTACT FOR A WHILE
Sometimes it's best to simply exit the relationship and take a break. Before you try to remedy it, get some perspective and think about it for a time.
2. IDENTIFY THE PROBLEMS
What you don't recognize cannot be changed. As a result, if you don't know what the problems are, you can't fix them. Spend some time talking with your significant other about the challenges in your relationship. If they refuse to participate, consider writing down the issues you perceive and sharing them when they are ready.
3. ENGAGE IN SELF-REFLECTION
Both parties must be mature enough to examine themselves deeply and determine what positive changes they must make. The relationship will not improve unless there is a desire or incentive to change.
4. SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP
People frequently find it difficult to undertake the inner work and self-reflection on their own. As a result, seeking professional treatment from a therapist can assist each individual in working through their issues while simultaneously assisting the relationship in improving through the couple's therapy.
5. STOP BLAMING
People in toxic relationships often blame the other person, yet this only serves to perpetuate the toxic cycle. You must accept personal accountability for your conduct through inner work and treatment. Once again, both persons must do this.
6. USE “I-LANGUAGE”
"I-Language" is a responsible language. It expresses your feelings to the other person without accusing them. It aids in the reduction of defensiveness in the relationship. Instead of opening a phrase with "You always...", try something like "I get upset when you..."
7. CHANGE YOUR BEHAVIOR
You must make changes once you and your partner have established what needs to change within yourself and the relationship. Without the adjustments, you will revert to your previous state. You can also utilize written goals and check in once a week to assess how well you're doing with the improvements you want to make as a pair.
8. MAINTAIN THE CHANGES IN THE FUTURE
Many people are good at changing for a brief period before reverting to their previous behaviors. To truly transform the relationship and make it healthy, the adjustments must be permanent.
Bottom Line
Toxic relationships cause mental stress, which impacts every aspect of your life, including your physical health. This type of connection should not be tolerated.
