According to statistics, two-thirds of us have had at least one traumatic childhood event. Did you realize that childhood trauma continues to affect us as adults?
Trauma covers both the nature of an event and how it affects you. As a result, the same experience can have varied effects on people depending on their individual requirements and temperaments. Trauma does not only refer to physical abuse or neglect. It might manifest as emotional abuse or witnessing something too overwhelming for a child to manage.
You'd be startled to learn that your flaws or apparent deficiencies could be indicators of unresolved trauma.
Here's an overview of how childhood trauma affects us as adults.
Signs of Childhood Trauma in Adults
1. Relationship Struggles
Your attachment style affects the quality of your relationships. It's how you interact and communicate with your friends, family, and significant other.
People who grew up in healthy homes tend to have a stable attachment style. They feel worthy of love and desire intimacy in their relationships.
If your emotional and/or physical needs were unfulfilled in childhood, you may have acquired an insecure attachment style. Adults exhibit numerous indicators of suppressed childhood trauma, with the two most common insecure patterns being anxious and avoidant.
Avoidant Style
If you have an avoidant personality, you dislike asking for help. You've convinced yourself that you don't need connection in relationships and come across as self-sufficient.
Perhaps you learnt as a child that emotions do not bring people closer together. In fact, they pushed your parents away. As a result, you are uncomfortable with being vulnerable and exposing your emotions.
In dating relationships, you may experience both hot and cold feelings. For example, you might pursue someone until things get close, then back away.
Anxious Style
However, if you have an anxious attachment style, you may appear "needy." You fear abandonment and prioritize others above yourself. You may overvalue others and underestimate yourself.
You devote a significant amount of time to maintaining relationships and meeting your requirements. This has the reverse effect of driving people away, which is tremendously uncomfortable for you.
Overcoming Being Avoidant
If you have an avoidant attachment, confront your tendency to distance yourself from others. Next, respond when friends discuss their problems with you. Instead of being a passive listener, express your experiences and challenges with others.
You may be concerned that opening out would lead to rejection and disdain. However, if you let them in, many people will understand you better.
If opening up feels scary, it may take you back to your childhood and trigger feelings of abandonment. Remind yourself that while it is understandable to feel this way, you are now an adult.
Overcoming Being Anxious
If, on the other hand, you have an anxious personality, look for securely bonded companions. Let go of relationships with insecurely attached people since they will only worsen your sorrow.
Being alone can be daunting, but it's a fear worth facing. You can decide to take a break from romantic relationships to focus on self-care.
Develop self-validation rather than seeking praise from others. This entails identifying strategies to meet your own needs rather than relying on a partner to do it for you. Talk to someone other than your partner about your feelings. Practice depending on friends or a counselor to help you manage your emotions.
2. Self-Sabotage
Self-sabotage is a symptom of childhood trauma in adults and can appear at any time. This is how your inner child strives to protect you in ways that limit your potential.
These self-defeating behaviors might have worked in the past. For example, remaining quiet and little allowed you to avoid getting into problems with your caregivers.
As an adult, the same self-protective instincts prevent you from standing out in meetings or marketing yourself. This leads in being passed over for promotions or failing to attract customers. As a child, you might have been rewarded for concealing your needs and emotions. Hiding allows you to avoid the possibility of rejection because of who you are.
Another consequence of childhood trauma in adulthood is difficulties addressing their own needs. As a result, you're at risk of burnout since you don't know when to stop on your way to a goal.
When self-sabotage presents you with the next distraction or forces you to give up before the finish line, it could be responding to your desire for rest.
3. Perfectionism
Perfectionism exhibits many of the symptoms of unresolved childhood trauma in adults. These include creating excessive standards for yourself, developing a harsh inner critic, fearing making mistakes, and having difficulty trusting others.
With this in mind, perfectionism is more sinister than many of us realize. It may be a conditioned reaction to a childhood in which "good enough" was not an option.
You have an outspoken inner critic who never lets you off the hook. You compare yourself to others and fall short. You don't have decades of experience, regardless of whether others do. You feel compelled to get things properly the first time.
The need to be perfect paralyzes you because you are afraid of making mistakes. This leads to feelings of failure and self-doubt. While others are throwing things at the wall to see what sticks, you are concerned about the criticism that may come if you put yourself out there.
Overcoming Perfectionism
Strive for "good enough" instead of perfection. Allow yourself to make mistakes in the beginning.
These are some of the most valuable lessons writers acquired by writing "crappy" first drafts. A draft can be edited, but it is impossible to improve something that does not exist.
4. Social Isolation
If you pose the question, "what does childhood trauma look like in adults?" Social isolation is among the most common symptoms.
Chronic loneliness and a desire to avoid social connections are further indicators of unresolved childhood trauma in adults.
You may conclude that being alone is preferable since other people irritate you. Dealing with others can be difficult if you did not learn how to manage your emotions or resolve conflicts as a child.
You're avoiding your reaction to what other people could say or do, not the other people themselves. We cannot predict how others will behave, and a word or opinion might easily cause dysregulation.
That is why being among others is challenging and counterproductive, rather than soothing or pleasant. It feels better to be alone, where you can rest comfortably knowing that no one will "trip you up."
Overcoming Social Isolation
Growing up, you most likely learnt to repress your feelings. Instead of showing yourself compassion, you judge yourself for your emotions.
Shame surrounding solitude trumps the fundamental emotion of loneliness. This simply makes you want to hide and keeps you from reaching out to others. Accept your sensations of loneliness instead. Give yourself the same care and compassion that you would give someone else in a similar situation.
Reach out to someone you trust. Instead of pretending to be fine, tell them how you really feel. You might be amazed at how your candor encourages people to open up about their insecurities.
If you don't have anyone you can safely share with, consider seeing a therapist or joining an online community where you can process your emotions privately.
Get out every day. Walking and being in nature are good for your mental health and can boost your mood. Interact with someone in a low-stakes manner, such as stroking their dog or making a nice comment.
Final Thoughts
Childhood trauma can have a wide range of consequences for adulthood. If you've blamed yourself for these consequences, it's time to take a vacation.
Using the strategies provided in this article, you can alleviate the symptoms of these unfulfilled childhood needs. No matter how long you've been suffering, you may effortlessly transition to a life that is self-supportive rather than self-defeating.
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